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Goodbye blogspot ... I'll miss you ...
Several times I was suggested not to write pseudo post - analytical, in which I investigated myself and my moods, my changes and so on. But yesterday I realized that there is a reason behind everything we or, upon my asking that is. Chiara had accompanied on a Courts to buy a sandwich, and say: "Sometimes, I think of having to put on a diet, lose weight, do so many muscles and fuck, go fuck a lot."
Hence , a discussion, my romantic side is fruit and I can not see me in a story "serious" romantic love, all I know corny and repulsive. I have a rejection. Too many stories of love, "I gravitate more and more I feel the impatience, not envy. Everything appears to me child, sickly and do not understand why. Why are no longer romantic but cynical? What has changed? Reflecting on this, that I do not write more poems, that I did not move furniture or things at home, heralding the spring, I have a different relationship with my parents - poor, contemptuous - inflicted against them and they I sometimes like shit. What's wrong with me more? Why do I feel broken inside? It was the death of my grandmother, a full year now, or employment on 22 October last year, or what? If that means growing up, I also I want to flee the island is not there.
Just tonight are particularly down. But it is nothing more than a moment. Does not differ much from a person who does not think keeping busy and just as he thinks strikes.
Sometimes the air is so similar to so many tunes lived, hate, cold, hot, bitter air, that you have nostalgia. You have nostalgia for nostalgia. Listening to songs that ended ages now and you get the urge to smoke, take a glass from the cupboard and poured a Jack Daniel's, out on the balcony, feeling the wind caress the skin, frost filter and smoke enter the lungs.
In my case it is not. I cry, cry. I am a girl, are weak, I'll take the emotions. And I know. I listen to songs of decades past, I've never lived, and I just want to vent, to break the glass of JD's throwing him against the dresser, and start smoking and then cough and throw the cigarette on the balcony. I am a loser.
are worthless stress, advice, naming, do not change. I still fear to take the reins of my life and ride against the wind in search of euphoria. Disappoint myself and others. But I care.
I am a character in a story, a grandmother tells her grandchildren to go to sleep; not exist, what I see there, it's all just a dream, good or bad it is. So I calm. In this world where everything is so material and strong, I embrace the words, inconsistent, equal, fragile.