Conference December 19, 2005 "BILL SHARED custody" COMMENTS AND PROPOSALS Sociological Implications of this reform
Elvia FicarraResponsabile Separate Families Centre - GESEF
The introduction of new legislation, which takes account the requests made by parents' associations, is expected for years. And it has led to high expectations. We receive dozens of daily phone calls and emails from parents - mostly fathers - who eagerly inform about the date for final approval. The disappointment for our responses, not on the date, but the content of the law, it is hot. Especially when we explain that the text provides no shared custody in the first place, which remains at the discretion of the magistrate, but the worst results in legislation the current judicial practice. The product, that the penalties for obstructing the parent have no deterrent effect, that the conflict will remain unchanged;
If the reform had been rejected, or postponed, they could still hope.
Indignation for the sensational scam, which gives rise to comments from the future scenario begins to emerge. . The current scenario
We can not talk without contextualizing the phenomenon separation in a larger social context.
Ours is a "society without fathers".
Rise From Claudio (father: the absent unacceptable), Rino Della Vecchia (this half of the Earth), by Robert Bly (The society of eternal teenagers) Gary Becker (Nobel Prize for Economics 1992) is a hive of analysis.
The elimination of the father as a channel for the transmission of norms and values \u200b\u200bthat help the child to mature and take responsibility, is the result of a functional necessity in advanced societies. Where the family is reduced to pure economic cell. Even
human reproduction (bonus for babies) and the care of offspring is monetized: in fact the text of the law in question provides that in determining the extent of any check on the parent collocatario be considered as the economic evaluation of duties of care of children. In practice, a parent, by law, must be paid on the other - no longer living together - to care of their child.
education, assistance and child care is left largely to external agencies and the relational problems of adaptation are managed from the apparatus and medical / psychological and social / legal.
to the traditional functions of the family - handed down through the generations - it is replaced in a coercive social status. By which individuals, without strong emotional ties and a certain identity, and taking responsibility away from isolated misfits, we want to depend on.
point that you felt the need to create courses that teach parents how to be such.
Feminism - also functional circuit production / consumption - Has exploited women by deception of a power that the new family model could give them.
While we celebrate the emancipation from an inescapable biological destiny, the doctrine of neo-feminist difference preaches a new mystique of motherhood as a primary social status, the perfect answer to the economic principle of reproduction.
The feminine identity emerges destroyed.
writes anthropologist Ida Magli (Sex and Power, 1998): "Women .... Have fallen into the easy, tragic deception that the new model was, in itself the destruction of the old .... underpins the company from time to time, with measures contingent, contradictory, even Balzani, judicial or political, the ruins of the old order sex, marriage, parenting, social. But the center of these ruins are women. It was them that the brick had been thrown by males at the foundation of the building. Removing the brick building collapsed. Without any project of any self-image, women are living hand to mouth, as if freedom and power is precisely to have neither plans nor goals, "
In this scenario, the phenomenon of separation / divorce could not have evolution different and be managed otherwise. The conflict
ably obtained from the outside is functional to the further tearing of family relationships and setting up of roles. The father retrieves resources. Her mother manages the claims and consumption. Children grow up without good role models by which to measure and draw strength, prestige, self-confidence and her place in society, unable to take autonomous decisions passively consumptive patterns imposed on them.
There are growing problems and deviance, and control of the welfare state - through its apparatuses-is strengthened mainly female. Sociological Implications
Recent statistics indicate that the new father Italians are among the oldest in Europe: the average age at birth of first child is 33 years.
The young population of 65% remains in the family average home up to 30 years of age. This range approximately 15% have already made up of children of separated / divorced.
We believe that many have siblings or older relatives who have had this experience already. Young
potential fathers and then - ironically called Peter Pan or eternal teenagers - are mostly aware of what the condition of non-custodial parents are separated, and relational consequences with their children.
Furthermore, the debate that the reform of the legislation has begun since the start of term, has further highlighted this fact, noting that its responsible parenthood is to be ostracized and punished. The
Gesef work with one-stop play since 1994, therefore a thorough knowledge of the situation, which often contrasts with the official releases disseminated by other entities.
Those who come to our facility are 83% for separated fathers, between the ages of 37 and 50 years. All
complain suffering a fracture of the daily relationship with their children, despite the care lavished on them since birth and the profound emotional bond. Of these over 70% of people said, also established a new union does not intend to create more children.
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The debate relates to the phenomenon of falling birth rates - as well as on the problems of working mothers - even age Late of the new parents. But you omit to consider the consequences of separation / divorce, as well as experienced today by the element weaker of the pair: the non-custodial parent
Given the exponential increase in separations (required by women nell'70% of cases) from a Part, and awareness of responsible parenthood on the other, it would be appropriate as the falling birth rate will be attributable to a male, resulting in the combination of two factors.
. The economic impact
The economic consequences of separation / divorce are causing a range of new poor are the non-custodial fathers separated with the "salary fixed "half, burdened by the mortgage for a house that never again shall not dwell, as well as costs for resettlement.
If they are lucky they have at least one parent willing to take them back: some find a home at Caritas. Others sleep in the car, when even if you can afford.
70% of those who turn to us fall into this series.
Almost all local authorities, throughout the country, and finance - for decades and with citizens' money - the woman's house or similar center that provides help to women / mothers in need. The first and only reception center, where the non-custodial parents can meet and stay with their children has risen near Bolzano two years ago by private enterprise, only then subsidized by the Province.
These new poor, understandably unable to put up another family, are ignored by official statistics.
The same duly recorded that in case of non payment of maintenance to his ex-wife and children ordered by the Court.
cases this number is increasing every year. Parallel to the growing number of reports by the instrumental custodial parent against the other.
80% of the situations of failure in fact, the breach complained - in addition to the depletion legal - illegal blackmail by which there is no defense: that the "concession" the only son in return for big tips extra sentence.
And instead of the tip when the police arrived, take immediate retaliation: instrumental complaint of mistreatment or abuse under the banner "the child said that ... ... ...." That the machine used to crush judicial sanction rather than further the relationships between children and parents target, to the benefit of professionals in the integrated circuit. There is undeniably
who, prescient and well informed, provides for time to secure goods and resources.
indignation is superfluous: it would be more useful to ask why fathers are available at any time to spend fortunes to their children arrive suddenly stingy in court and have-nots. And take note that the fracture torque can not continue to result in a "punishment" that condemns an appropriate and responsible parent to poverty, such as the current practice implies.
And where, now, there is widespread knowledge. A consensus is looming
a new phenomenon: young men about to marry or become fathers are unlikely to holders of a property, assets and liabilities, even when the condition of the family of origin permit.
resources accumulated by the generation of the economic boom is fading.
The flexible working in recent years has cleared the certainty of the "fixed income" while housing costs have quadrupled: no family of the new constitution, part of the middle class and middle / low, it can cope without a previous save.
The mystique of the work and the gain was dissolved culturally: leisure has become an existential significance. Future scenarios
What impact can have on this situation if this text will become state law?
To separate non-custodial parents is tantamount to a betrayal, which will further increase the gap between citizens and political and judicial institutions. For
separandi equivalent to sharpen their weapons, making their use as far on one side only. The mutual accusations
become: Unfortunately, the record offers a convincing case to hit that front so far seemed to be immune from any attack.
The children continue to be the victims, besides instruments of war.
Young people raised in environments managed mostly by women (the baby-sitter, the teacher, the teacher, the teacher, the pediatrician, etc..), Are aliens from the guilt that has marked the lives of their fathers and their grandparents do not feel it at all due respect of peers, in fact.
The anti-globalization rebellion is spreading to all types of authority: the adults of tomorrow, and joint custodians of the indisputable rights, much less duties, are unlikely to be willing to accept gender discrimination perpetuated by a law joke. A law that instead of rewarding the parental responsibilities, to the benefit of children, will have the effect of discouraging the recruitment.
separate families of the near future will be even more alone and certainly the poorest.
maintenance allowance, the main flag of demands today, will disappear from the vocabulary lawyer.
Fathers, without fixed salary, with flexible employment, they deliver the property, not only will not be blackmailed, but certainly not rush to beg the protection of the parental role. Orphans of a model of reference since grown into a society without fathers, probably will be the first to flee in the face of more mundane difficulties.
mothers will have to rely only on themselves than on grandmothers: the welfare state is already running out of resources devoted to lavish benefits of various kinds.
will be women, this time to demonstrate en masse in front of Parliament to demand a law that eventually guarantees equal parenting roles and responsibilities.
Children will continue to pay for all. Thanks to a law that some have called bambinocentrica.
This was perhaps the last chance to return fullness to both parents.
We lost: the 3537 DDL is the essence of conservatism and the foolishness of a political class ready for any compromise, but unable to interpret the future.
not be amended. Must start all over again: that legislators will sit around a table and listen to demographers, sociologists, psychologists and independent, that is not linked to the stables of the party or the interests of the shop. But above all, listen humbly
citizens, parents benefit children and families, primarily, but also of society and politics which claims to represent.
The fathers-children are the fathers that are projected in the child and then living a second childhood and adolescence wanting to create their own needs. 
Even though adult children of divorce often appear well-adjusted and successful, their childhoods were profoundly scarred by their parents' breakup, a study finds. The "untold story" of divorce is that it forces children into a strange new childhood that is filled with stress, secrets and fears about safety, says Elizabeth Marquardt, author of "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce." Many researchers say that if children "don't end up drug addicts in the street," it means they are just fine and the divorce wasn't a problem for them, says Mrs. Marquardt, who is one of roughly 15 million Generation Xers -- or one in four persons ages 18 to 35 -- whose parents divorced. "But just because you've managed to survive something and come through it OK doesn't mean at all that the experience was no big deal. ... As a society, we still have not grasped just how radical divorce really is," says Mrs. Marquardt, a scholar at the Institute for American Values in New York. Her advice to parents is to fight harder to save their marriages instead of opting for a "good divorce." "While a good divorce is better than a bad divorce, it is still not good," she says. Mrs. Marquardt's views collide with those of the booming divorce industry, which maintains that "the way" parents divorce is more important than the divorce itself. "Ending a marriage is a painful, wrenching process that shakes up the family's foundation, but it doesn't follow that the family itself is broken," sociology professor Constance Ahrons wrote in her 2004 book, "We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce." In her study of 173 adult children of divorce, Ms. Ahrons found that most of the children had blossomed into effective adults who were connected to their families. Three-quarters thought they and their parents were better off because of the divorce. "How you rearrange the ingredients -- how two new households are built from the original foundation -- is the key to the family's future," concluded Ms. Ahrons, a divorcee who coined the phrase "The Good Divorce" in her 1994 book of that title. Divorce rates have been edging down nationally. In 2004, there were 3.7 divorces per 1,000 persons, compared with 3.8 divorces per 1,000 in 2003 and 3.9 divorces per 1,000 in 2002, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. In 2004, this translated into about 800,000 divorces, far fewer than the 1 million-plus a year recorded for much of the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s. But 800,000 divorces a year is still a formidable number, which is why most academics and counselors accept widespread divorce as inevitable and focus on helping couples create amicable or "good" divorces. "I think divorce looms large for all children, but I don't think it's a huge handicap," says Vicki Lansky, author of many divorce-related books, including "Divorce Book for Parents: Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce and Its Aftermath" and "It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear." "Most people understand that divorce is problematic for their children, but studies have also shown that an unhappy family or a family with a lot of yelling or anger is as much, if not more, detrimental to a child ... than divorce," says Ms. Lansky, who divorced many years ago. She prescribes divorce education so parents won't keep fighting after the breakup, and arrangements that give both parents access to their children. It would also help if the nation would stop hyping the "whole nuclear-family fantasy" and how children deserve "perfect lives," Ms. Lansky adds. "I don't think anybody has perfect lives," she says. "Family configurations are so different today, and I think it's wonderful. I think we need more family, not less. ... The more, the merrier." Mrs. Marquardt says her study is unique because it captures the inchoate impact of divorce -- the dismay, longing, discomfort, anger and worry that children experience, but often can't put into words. With help from University of Texas at Austin professor Norval Glenn, she surveyed or interviewed more than 1,500 adults, ages 18-35, half from divorced families and half from intact families. Her research shows that children of divorce learn to: •Worry about child abuse, sexual abuse and parental kidnapping. •Worry about their "stuff," because it is often lost in the constant traveling. •Wonder about religion and God, owing to the mixed messages they receive from their parents. •Become "chameleons," because they must figure out how to function in their parents' often starkly different worlds. •Become vigilant about parental moods. •Become a keeper of secrets, especially those of their parents. •Handle a parent's subsequent remarriage and/or divorce. For most children, the most dramatic change is going from being a member of one, intact family to being a part of two or more families with ever-changing rosters of parental lovers, relatives, stepparents and stepsiblings, says Mrs. Marquardt. Any sense of "belonging" is lost because "as children of divorce, we became insiders and outsiders in each of our parents' worlds," she said. Mrs. Marquardt, who is married and a mother, says she is not calling for an end to divorce or trying to make divorced parents, including her own, feel bad. Her message is that two-thirds of divorces occur to couples who have unhappy but low-conflict marriages. "I urge parents to think harder still" about ending those marriages, she says. "A lot of people in an unhappy marriage can get happier in their marriage." Speaking for herself and other members of "the first generation" of Americans to grow up in a society where divorce is prevalent, Mrs. Marquardt adds: "This is what we want: a home, strong marriages, wholeness, understanding of our true experience and a secure world for our children -- one world." Copyright © 2005 News World Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. 
In Italy the laws that deal with family mediation are the law 285/97 and Law 154/01 "realazioni measures against violence in family" - all Italian paradox, considering that all the associations of brokers agree that in considering intervenirer impossible with the mediation on couples in which violence explode. The law provides for mandatory mediation in their cases of violence. 